Ramadan Mubarak!

I haven't updated for a while. Been pretty busy trying to figure things out and life is getting in the way. Had to give up my online courses as it became too much juggling emotions, work, life, and studying for my career designation exam. It's been up and down the past few months, but I'm surviving :)

Two months ago, my coworker told me he was leaving for another job. This guy has become one of my best friends, and needless to say, I was devastated. I knew he'd been looking, but it still seemed to come out of the blue. I thought I'd have more time with him. He has taught me so much about myself, about life, about friendship and I didn't know how I would cope without him.

It's been hard. Lots of tears. Lots of struggling to get up and go to work in the morning. I hate going to work now. It's not fun anymore. The job itself was never all that interesting, but at least I had a friend to pass the day with. Now I'm left with people who judge me and want me to be something I'm not. There are only a few people left I can actually trust and talk to, and without one in particular, I would have crashed and burned by now.

Oddly enough, this person is my boss. But we actually spend more time discussing faith and God than we do discussing work. She is convinced that I will find my faith sooner rather than later. I hope she's right.

It's hard. Being bipolar has never been easy, and having to deal with this while trying to keep myself from sinking into a depression is not easy. It's hard interacting every day with people I don't really care for, whose views and values are different than my own, and who don't really interest me. It's hard not having my friend around. It's getting easier, but every so often I see his name on paperwork or in an email, and I still feel sad.

I fasted today for Ramadan. I'd been considering it since about February and made the decision that it couldn't hurt to do it (although stupid me didn't get up in time to eat something this morning!) I did Lent back in the spring so figured why not observe Ramadan as well?

I was really excited about it last night. Can't explain why, but I was actually looking forward to fasting. Yes, it was hard, but I think I can stick to it for the next month. The hard part is explaining to people at work why I'm not eating, because they won't understand and will jump to conclusions, and I'm at the point where I just don't want to deal with their stupidity.

So, to all the Muslims out there: Ramadan Mubarak! Hope your fast is easy on you!

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference" Reinhold Niebuhr